Being a modern-day mom, wife, or working woman, and trying to achieve personal growth is a tricky business.
No matter how much you plan and prepare for the future you desire, life doesn’t always go as scheduled.
For me, marriage and motherhood had way more of a mental and emotional impact on me than any book, television show, or even my mother could have prepared me for.
I’ve spent the better part of the last decade trying to figure out who the hell I am, what it is I really believe in, and what my purpose is in this life.
If I’m being honest with you, so far, I’ve got a ton of questions and only a handful of answers.
While my children give me a sense of real purpose, I know in my gut that there’s more to my purpose than just being a good mom to my boys.
I’ve also gotten as far as to figure out that I’m a spiritual being having a physical experience. However, I’m still no closer to understanding WHY.
What I do know is that there are lies and limiting beliefs that keep us from stepping into our purpose.
These lies are passed down to us by our families, friends, society, and even personal experiences. They are shaping us and molding us long before we even recognize the lies even exist.
Before you can dispute these lies, you have to acknowledge they exist.
There are a ton of lies we tell ourselves as women. Since we have to start somewhere, here are the 4 lies that I hear most often from other women and in my own head.
Lie #1 You Should Be Further Along By Now
This one is a doozy.
You planned and prepared.
You had a goal to get your degree by 23.
To be married by 26.
Have an established career by 30.
Have 3-4 kids by 33.
Build your huge, fabulous dream house by 35.
You have expectations of yourself (and often expectations of others) that you are trying to meet. Then years go by and suddenly you realize that you’ve fallen short of those expectations.
And it’s a major blow to your ego.
For years, I was caught up on the fact that I worked my ass off to get a master’s degree so I could be a big shot healthcare executive with a 6-figure salary one day. Over a decade later, I’m not even remotely using that degree for my livelihood, and the thought still sometimes makes me feel like I should be further along by now.
But marriage happened. Unexpected relocations happened. Babies happened not in line with my timeline. My life plan didn’t exactly unfold the way I had anticipated.
However, there is so much unexpected joy that has come as a result of the curveballs I was thrown.
Here’s the thing. You are where you are for a reason. There are lessons you needed to learn. Experiences you needed to gain.
The next time you catch yourself falling into the mindset that you should be further along by now, try focusing on something good that has happened to you as a result of deviating from the planned path.
Lie #2 It’s Too Late To Start Over
This particular lie seems to love to creep up on us 30-something gals.
Often times it’s career-related. You realize 5 or 7 years in that you hate your job or your career field, but you feel stuck.
Maybe you went to school and racked up thousands of dollars getting your degree in that field, so you feel it would be irresponsible to change careers now.
Or maybe you have a husband and kids who rely heavily on the money that’s coming in from your current job so you feel stuck due to obligation.
It’s all understandable. But I’d be doing you an injustice if I didn’t tell you this: YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF TO FIND FULFILLING WORK. Now, I’m not telling you to quit your job cold turkey–I mean you need money to eat and keep a roof over your head.
But why not start exploring and researching how you can switch careers. Why not check into career counseling or find a way to connect with someone who is actually working in your field of interest.
It’s never too late to start over. It just takes a little courage and the will to find a way.
Lie # 3 You Don’t Have Enough Experience
This is another lie that tends to apply to women, especially when it comes to career dreams. You hear about a great role at a company. You look up the job description to find out exactly what the responsibilities are and what criteria they are looking for in a candidate.
The moment you find something in those bullets that you lack you lose all excitement because you’ve immediately come to the conclusion that you don’t have enough experience for the job.
I’ve seen this scenario play out multiple time with family, friends, and with myself. For some reason, we discount the experience that we do have as not enough.
The truth is that “experience” is such a subjective word. While a job description may call for you to have 8 years experience in a given area, it could be that your 5 years of experience work just as well because of the specific knowledge, training, or tools you understand how to use.
Instead of taking the mindset of I probably don’t have enough experience, try the mindset of I may have just the right amount of experience.
Lie #4 It’s Too Big Of A Dream
When you were a child, you probably had outrageous big dreams for yourself. The idea of living in a mansion, becoming a famous painter, marrying our soulmate, being a ballerina/dentist/meteorologist (oh, was that just me?) or any other dream felt attainable.
Then adulthood hit and like most of us you let those big dreams fade away because you deemed them impractical or you become fearful of failure.
Instead of allowing yourself to dream big, you operate based on fear and life a risk-averse life.
In other words, you start playing small and make decisions based on fears, scarcity, or insecurities.
When you allow yourself to go after those BIG HAIRY DREAMS as they are called, you at least have the possibility (however remote) of actually achieving your goal.
You miss 100% of the shots you never take. You owe it to yourself to give your dream a shot.
Making Room For Personal Growth
Once you become aware of the lies you tell yourself, it becomes easier to push past these invisible barriers and make progress. Your personal growth has so much potential. It would be a shame to let it go to waste.
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