Trying to figure out what’s blocking your personal growth?
Being a modern-day mom, wife, or working woman, and trying to achieve personal growth is a tricky business. No matter how much you plan and prepare for the future you desire, life doesn’t always go as scheduled.
For me, marriage and motherhood had way more of a mental and emotional impact on me than any book, television show, or even my own mother could have prepared me for!
I’ve spent the better part of the last decade trying to figure out who the hell I am, what it is I really believe in, and what my purpose is in this life.
If I’m being honest with you, so far, I’ve got a ton of questions and only a handful of answers 🙁
While my children give me a sense of real purpose, I know in my gut that there’s more to my purpose than just being a good mom to my boys. I’ve also gotten as far as to figure out that I’m a spiritual being having a physical experience. However, most days I still feel no closer to understanding WHY.
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” — Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
What I do know is that there are lies and limiting beliefs that keep us from stepping into our purpose.
These lies are passed down to us by our families, friends, society, and even personal experiences. They are shaping us and molding us long before we even recognize the lies even exist.
Before you can dispute these lies, you have to acknowledge they exist.
Of course, there are a ton of lies we tell ourselves as women, but some I told more frequently than others. Let’s discuss the four lies that I commonly hear from other women in my sphere and also in my own head!
Lies Blocking Your Personal Growth
Lie #1 You Should Be Further Along By Now
This one is a doozy.
For me, the lie goes something like this…
I planned and prepared:
- Get my degree by 23.
- Be married by 26.
- Have an established career by 30.
- Have 3-4 kids by 33.
- Build my huge, fabulous dream house by 35.
- Have millions in the bank by 40.
Did I accomplish some of those goals? Yes.
Did the goals I didn’t accomplish eat me up inside? Also yes.
The truth is that you have expectations of yourself (and often expectations of others) that you are trying to meet. Then years go by and suddenly you realize that you’ve fallen short of those expectations and it’s a major blow to your ego.
For years, I was caught up on the fact that I worked my ass off to get a master’s degree so I could be a big shot healthcare executive with a high 6-figure salary one day. Over a decade later, life took me on a completely different path, which rarely needs my BIG FAT EXPENSIVE DEGREE.
But life happened. Marriage happened. Unexpected relocations happened. Babies happened (not in line with my timeline). My life plan didn’t exactly unfold the way I had anticipated and sometimes that makes me feel like I should be further along by now.
However, there is so much unexpected joy that has come as a result of the curveballs I was thrown.
Here’s the thing. You are where you are for a reason. There are lessons you needed to learn. Experiences you needed to gain.
The next time you catch yourself falling into the mindset that you should be further along by now, try focusing on something good that has happened to you as a result of deviating from the planned path.
Lie #2 It’s Too Late To Start Over
This particular lie seems to love to creep up on us in our 30s and 40s.
Often times it’s career-related. You realize 5, 10, sometimes 15 years in that you hate your job or your career field and you feel stuck.
Maybe you’re someone who went to school and racked up thousands of dollars getting your degree in that field, so you feel it would be irresponsible to change careers now.
Or maybe you have a husband and kids who rely heavily on the money that’s coming in from your current job so you feel stuck due to obligation.
It’s all understandable. But I’d be doing you an injustice if I didn’t tell you this: YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF TO FIND FULFILLING WORK.
Now, I’m not telling you to quit your job cold turkey–I mean you need money to eat and keep a roof over your head.
But why not start exploring and researching how you can switch careers. Why not check into career counseling or find a way to connect with someone who is actually working in your field of interest. Here’s a helpful video for inspiration!
It’s never too late to start over. It just takes a little courage and the will to find a way.
Lie # 3 You Don’t Have Enough Experience
This is another lie that tends to apply to women, especially when it comes to career dreams.
You hear about a great role at a company. You look up the job description to find out exactly what the responsibilities are and what criteria they are looking for in a candidate.
The moment you find something in those bullets that you lack you lose all excitement because you’ve immediately come to the conclusion that you don’t have enough experience for the job.
I’ve seen this scenario play out multiple times with family, friends, and with myself. For some reason, we discount the experience that we do have as not enough.
The truth is that “experience” is such a subjective word. While a job description may call for you to have 8 years experience in a given area, it could be that your 5 years of experience works just as well because of the specific knowledge, training, or tools you understand how to use.
Instead of taking the mindset of I probably don’t have enough experience, try the mindset of I may have just the right amount of experience. It takes practice to overcome the negative thinking, but the shift in your mindset will be well worth the effort!
Lie #4 It’s Too Big Of A Dream
When you were a child, you probably had outrageous big dreams for yourself. The idea of living in a mansion, becoming a famous painter, marrying your soulmate, being a ballerina/dentist/meteorologist (oh, was that just me?) or any other dream felt attainable.
Then adulthood hit and like most of us you let those big dreams fade away because you deemed them impractical or you became fearful of failure.
Instead of allowing yourself to dream big, you operate based on fear and live a risk-averse life.
In other words, you’ve started playing small and making decisions based on fear, scarcity, and/or insecurities.
When you allow yourself to go after those BIG HAIRY DREAMS as they are called, you at least have the possibility of actually achieving your goal.
You miss 100% of the shots you never take. You owe it to yourself to give your dream a shot!
Finding Space For Personal Growth in a Busy Life
Once you become aware of the lies you tell yourself, it becomes easier to push past these invisible barriers and make progress.
One of the big reasons you experience these barriers is because (like many people) you don’t make room for personal growth in your busy life. It’s all too easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of your daily life and forget to set aside time for yourself.
But finding space for personal growth is essential to your overall well-being and happiness. Here are some practical tips for making room for personal growth even with the busiest of schedules.
Schedule Time for Yourself
One of the most important things you can do to make room for personal growth is to schedule time for yourself. This can be anything from an hour a day to a whole weekend every month.
Whatever it is, make it a priority and stick to it. Use this time to do something that fills you up, whether that’s reading a book, taking a yoga class, or just sitting in silence. By carving out space for yourself, you’re sending a message to the universe–and yourself–that you value yourself and your personal growth.
Sometimes the reason we don’t make time for personal growth isn’t lack of time, but lack of organization. When our lives are cluttered and chaotic, it’s hard to make room for anything new.
Take some time to declutter your space and your mind. Get rid of anything that no longer serves you and create systems and routines that support your well-being.
Doing things like meal prepping, automating your bills, and creating a daily schedule can help you feel more in control of your life and free up time for personal growth activities.
Learn Something New
Learning something new is a great way to make room for personal growth. It doesn’t have to be a big commitment–even reading a few pages of a self-help book or taking a short online course can help you expand your knowledge and skills.
Plus, learning something new can help boost your confidence and sense of self-worth, which can in turn lead to more opportunities for personal growth.
Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Personal growth isn’t something you have to do alone. In fact, having a support system can make all the difference.
Surround yourself with people who are supportive of your growth and who encourage you to be your best self. This could be friends, family, a mentor, or even a therapist. Having people to talk to and bounce ideas off of can help keep you motivated and accountable, even when you feel like giving up.
Finally, practicing self-reflection is essential to personal growth. It’s important to take time to reflect on your goals, your progress, and what you’ve learned along the way. This can be as simple as journaling, meditating, or taking a walk in nature.
The key is to create space for introspection so you can better understand yourself and what you need to thrive.
Next Steps for Personal Growth
Making room for personal growth may seem like a luxury when you’re already juggling so much, but the truth is, it’s essential to get past the lies and barriers that are blocking your personal growth.
By scheduling time for yourself, getting organized, learning something new, surrounding yourself with supportive people, and practicing self-reflection, you can create the space you need to grow and thrive.
So next time life feels overwhelming, remember that personal growth is always within reach–you just have to make the room for it.